New Hope
by Alexis Dawn
Summary: John never lets anyone in, but what happens when a case makes him rethink that. Will he let in the one person that has been there for him all along?


**Pairing: **John Munch & Casey Novak**  
Summary: **John never lets anyone in, but what happens when a case makes him rethink that. Will he let in the one person that has been there for him all along?**  
Warnings: **Spoilers for Season 5, Episode 22 "Painless". Deals with death and suicide.  
**Disclaimer: **I don't own the show or the characters.**  
Notes: **Some of this dialogue is from the episode "Painless".

"Why won't you take this kidney?" John asks closing the door behind him as he walks into the hospital room to stand in front of the bed.

"My life, my decision." Dr. Solway says easily from the hospital bed.

"Yeah, well, it's the wrong decision." John says looking down at her.

"Leave me alone!" She exclaims, looking at John waiting for him to leave.

"Why, so you can die alone in this dump?" He says sarcastically, knowing she's trying to push him away.

"Get out." Amy states, looking at him with a cold stare.

"Great way to catch that train, isn't it?" John says not intimidated by her.

"I don't want to hurt anymore." She states plainly, watching him by the door.

"Then let them do the transplant." He says looking at her, praying he could get through to her.

"No." Amy says, as she fixes the blanket that's over her.

"It'll take away your pain." John says walking over to the bed.

"So I can go to prison?" She asks sarcastically, looking at him standing above her.

"So you can live." He says, standing above her, staring into her eyes with hopefulness.

"Why do you care if I live or die?" Amy asks, wondering why this man would care about something that wouldn't have anything to do with him,

"Because my father killed himself. When I was a kid...I thought it was my fault. The night before he blew his brains out, he punished me for being a wise ass. I told him I hated his guts. Those were the last words I ever said to him. It haunts me to this day. You're the only person I've ever told." John says, exhaling a breath, looking at her with sadness and a tinge of hope in his eyes.

"Why me?" She asks, wondering why he opened up to her, of all people.

"Because we're the same. I feel guilty; my father was suffering. I couldn't help him. You feel guilty, because of what you did to Christina." John says, reaching down to take her hand in his.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." She says sadly, with remorse in her voice. Looking at him she realizes how much he has just helped her.

"I know. I don't want you to die. Help me, help you. Please." He says, his thumb caressing her fingers as he looked into her eyes.

She nods, smiles weakly and holds his hand a little tighter looking up at him. He lets go of her hand, sitting on the chair by the bed he looks at her eyes, seeing the new found hope and he smiles.

_**An hour later.**_

Knocking on the door, he shifts his feet, praying the person is home. Waiting a while he raises his hand to knock again, but then the door opens. Putting his hand back down he goes to hug the person, then walks inside the apartment.

"Hey John, didn't expect you here tonight. What's wrong?" Casey asked closing the door behind John, walking over to where he was standing.

"This case is what's wrong." John says, walking over to the couch.

"I know it's bad, but this isn't the worst case we've had." Casey says following him over to the couch.

"It just hits close to home." He states, sitting on the couch offering no other explanation at the moment.

"What happened John?" She asks, sitting down next to him on the couch, concerned about him.

"Just forget it." He says simply, shaking his head, looking down at his shoes.

"No, tell me what's wrong. You know I am here for you." She says, pushing gently hoping he will open up to her.

"Do you promise that you won't let this change how you look at me?" John asks, knowing he should let her in, but not wanting to lose her in the process.

"John, nothing will change my opinion of you. I will always love you, and you will always be the same stubborn man I see day after day." Casey says reassuringly. She grabs his hand, squeezing it she takes her other hand to bring him to look at her. Placing a kiss on his lips she then leans into him, laying her head on his shoulder.

"When I was 8, my dad committed suicide. The last thing I ever said to him was that I hate his guts." John says, with tears running down his face.

"I didn't know that John, I am so sorry." She says, squeezing his hand. Turning her head she places a soft kiss on his cheek and returns her head to lie on his shoulder.

"I just wish I was able to help him. If I knew what he was thinking at that time, maybe I could have talked him out of it." John said, wiping away the tears on his face.

"You couldn't have known. You were just a kid; it wasn't your responsibility to deal with your dad's problems to. The way you reacted was like any other little kids reaction." Casey said, putting her hand up to rub John's cheek gently.

"I know, but that doesn't stop me from wishing I was able to help." John said as he looked into Casey's eyes, with sadness and love.

"I know you wish you did something, but it was just his time to go. You couldn't have helped it as much as you would have liked to. You're a wonderful man John; nothing could ever make me think badly about you. I love you." She said staring into his eyes with pure love.

"I love you to." He said, before leaning in to kiss her passionately. He couldn't help but have hope that everything was going to be just fine.


End file.
